Getting Past New Years Resolution Burn Out

The end of the year is always a time of reflection for me. I look back upon the goals I set and see if I accomplished what I intended to. My goals come in a variety of forms: a reading goal, a fitness goal, a life goal, etc. For 2020 my main resolution was to find balance. Balance of parenting, my relationship, work, and hobbies, while maintaining physical and emotional well being.  At the start of the year balance was a vague concept and with the drastically life changing events that occurred throughout 2020, I worried that my goals couldn’t be achieved. Ultimately I achieved balance, but in a very different way than I was expecting. It required work, deep reflection and questioning of what it was that I really wanted for myself. 

I started 2020 in a rough place. I was still adjusting to life with two kids combined with a spouse who worked at least 15 hour days. It was brutal and I felt like I was drowning. I didn’t feel like me and I craved the intellectual stimulation I had only felt while working. I needed a change, a way to feel like me while also being a fun involved mom. Then the world shut down. The stress of a constant busy schedule and no downtime disappeared and it gave me a rare opportunity to think. My resolution of finding balance was forced into the present of needing to be dealt with. 

Recognizing how balance can be incorporated did not happen overnight. There were a lot of discussions to help me work out what it was that I needed and how it could feasibly work. It also took slowing down, a situation forced upon all of us, for me to see the bigger picture. When balance started to really happen there was an energetic shift within our home. My kids started to excel, tensions and stress started to release, communication started flowing, and most importantly, I felt grounded and like myself again. 

My 2020 journey had me approaching my goals and resolutions for 2021 with a new perspective. I recognize that my goals do not need to be fixed, and require setting of standards and time for reflection that help me know I am achieving them. This means monthly check ins with myself and my goals. Many of us have set goals or resolutions for 2021. We have just reached the 1 month hump into the New Year. This is when we get the first wave of resolution burnout and some of the goals get dropped to the wayside. Letting go of some things, especially if that is energetically what you need to do, is okay, just check in and ask yourself why you are choosing to let it go.

At my one month check in, here are 7 questions I have asked myself as I reflect on my progress.

Why am I doing this goal?

I often think - did I choose this goal because it is something that I want/need or is important to me? Or, did I choose this goal because I think it is something I should be doing?

For example, I have lost count how many times I have set the goal to lose weight because the number I see is not where I would like it to be. It would crush me to see my hard work not reflected in the number I would see. When I reflected upon this failing goal back in July, I asked myself this exact question why I am trying to lose weight? For me it came down to my health. I wanted more energy, better sleep, to feel good when I wore certain clothes, to not feel crummy after I ate and so on. Ultimately, I want to live a long healthy and happy life. The number is meaningless if my health is intact, so I adjusted my goal from weight loss to focus on overall health.

Did I define what success of this goal looks like?

When I initially set my 2020 goal of finding balance, I did not define what balance looked like. I had vague notions of family time and couple time with my spouse. I knew I wanted to work but that I also wanted to be able to be there for my kids. It was all jumbled. I had to find a way to measure it. I started off simple by incorporating time for just me and my husband to hang out together. Then I figured out how much time I needed away from the kids to feel less overwhelmed. I continued this until I knew all the pieces of the puzzle I needed for my life to be centered. I broke it down into simple quantifiable achievements that proved to me I was making progress with my goal.

While my goal was not straight-forward, this question was still relevant. Say the goal is to improve your running. What does that look like? Are you trying to run faster or farther? Build your endurance? Prevent exercise induced asthma attacks? A clear intention makes it attainable. I want to improve my running versus I want to be able to run 5km are two very different goals with one being actionable and measurable. 

Am I making time for my goals?

This is probably the hardest hurdle for me to overcome. There is always something I feel is more pressing to be done and I often feel guilty when I take the time to focus on my needs. I appease this guilty feeling by literally scheduling things into my day and communicating it to those I think will be affected by it.

A goal will not be achieved without investing time and effort. This comes down to priorities. If the goal is something important enough to you to make it a goal, then it deserves time and priority. Though I still battle with my guilt from time to time, scheduling in my goals has made me happier as I feel accomplished and more valued, which translates into a more positive home life for my family as well. 

How am I staying accountable?

It is very easy to let things slide if you do not feel accountable. I am guilty of it. For example, maintaining my fitness was easier when I had classes to go to. It made me accountable to the money I spent and my fellow classmates. With Covid-19, I have had to get creative with my fitness accountability and use virtual competitions and live classes. It helps getting notifications on what others in my life are doing and sharing our goals together. Having someone who knows my goals and asks me about them, or motivates me when I am feeling low, gives me the push I need. How you stay accountable is up to you, but that accountability will help you stay dedicated. 

Am I enjoying the process? 

This question does not work for every goal, or even aspects of some goals, but it is still a valuable question. One of my goals this year is a reading challenge. It is one I set every year. I used to aim high as I felt accomplished and proud knowing I could read so much. I realized the process of reading could become a chore, and when I fell behind I would read short uninteresting books just to meet my quota.

Reading is one of my joys in life, and an unrealistic expectation took the joy out of achieving my goal. I’ve adapted my reading goal this year. It is just enough to keep me motivated to find the next exciting tale, while still achievable in a way that brings me joy to see it complete.

This question can also be applied to how you are achieving your goals. Essentially, it asks you to find ways to make your goals fun and enjoyable. Another example is healthy eating. I have made this fun by experimenting with new flavours and meals. I also get my kids involved and make it a family activity. Life is too short not to find ways to bring joy into your life. 

Do I believe I can accomplish this goal? 

This is probably the most important question you can ask yourself. If you do not believe you can achieve your goal, you will not achieve it. Your thoughts have power. They shape your life, form your perspective, motivate you or hold you back. Saying out loud, “I can do this!” sends the idea into the universe and starts putting your words into actions. If the end goal seems too hard and overwhelming, break it down into smaller steps. You can do this, and I believe you can. Now do you?

Is this goal still relevant & important to me? 

Life is not stagnant. Things change and we need to adapt and change with it, updating goals and resolution to fit our circumstances. This can be as simple as achieving a goal quicker than expected, and changing it to make it more challenging. Or it can be more complex due to  unexpected health issues, the loss of a loved one, or sudden unemployment. You are not confined to resolutions you made six months ago, or even one month ago, and you are absolutely not a failure for changing your goals to suit your situation. Priorities change and if Covid-19 has taught us anything, it is that life has a way of throwing curve balls.